When the Fish Dies

Hey fam! Hope your weekend greets you with peace, love and joy whether you are participating in the American tradition of Thanksgiving or not.

Earlier today my daily gratitude ritual led my mind to the positive people who’ve crossed my path but don’t kept in touch. I also reflected on those who hurt to let go but felt better to release. Next, I thought of the strong few enduring life with me during the last decade. Those who stand up for me on the daily, monthly and yearly. Feeling my pain, bleeding my blood, helping heal wounds others inflicted. They stand with me on the frontlines and behind my Veil.

All this thought led me to action. Where did I go? I went online passed all the Black Friday shopping deals and straight to social media. Suddenly I found myself scrolling through my dm log on a social media account I went dark. Soon I sent short lighthearted messages and made video calls to a select few I’m ready to reconnect with. Then I noticed date stamps of old messages from others I let go for one gut wrenching reason or another. No season. No reason. No lifetime. No worries but No turning back. I continued to scroll.

And scroll.

And keep scrolling.

And continuing to scroll.

Damn, I’m still scrolling.

And scrolling.

Why am I scrolling as if I was hunting for something in these dates of YEARS passed?

Then BOOM! There it was and the chat head with his face.

Ew. I mean he’s still fine but, nah. Why am I even seeing this conversation!?? Didn’t he blocked me. Dare I read what I wrote when I blacked out on his ass?

Now, who is he? A fine, financially secure but bitter ex boyfriend in need of closure with something to get off his chest. He reached out a few years ago which was a few years after things ended. With a few long yet pleaseant conversations mixed with consistently instant messages he undoubtedly warmed me up and broke the ice. All leading up to THIS… Why this analog girl in a digital world got blocked for the first time in her life and why I’m grateful.

                     

                   *Social media notification pops up.


Him: That so interesting. To see how spiritual you pretend to be and knowing how dishonest and slick you really are. I will continue to pray for you.


Me: I don’t know who’s definition of “spiritual” you use or what god you serve but I know who I AM. You start your morning trying to condemn me w/ lies and illusions… You need to pray for YOURSELF instead of me.Regardless of your opinion I am fearfully & wonderfully made. That’s why I don’t have to pretend. “Slick” & “dishonest” …you’re so ignorant you don’t even realize you’re describing YOUR own reflection. Again, I have better things to do than what’s in your limited imagination of me. You are so out of line. Now would be a good time to actually open your bible. I pray you Mature in Christ.

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